


dalliance (a brief romantic affair)

by damnmysterytome



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: AU, Character Death, F/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 02:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1209622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damnmysterytome/pseuds/damnmysterytome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it wasn’t that hard for him to find carol. what was hard for him was the sight that was the sight he was unprepared for and how he would have to deal with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dalliance (a brief romantic affair)

**Author's Note:**

> this one was really hard to write and it took a lot of work and nights of crying it is very au in parts, but mostly it fits in canon. in this, carol is thirty eight and daryl is thirty five (making carol twenty five in the flashback and daryl twenty three). beta'd just myself after sleeping so i could read it with a fresh mind.

Daryl Dixon hadn’t had a chance to be mad that Rick had banished Carol from the prison for murdering two of their own in a failed attempt to stop the spreading of a deadly virus that was quickly killing off members of their camp. Right after he found out that Rick had done so, the Governor had attacked the prison and there was no time for him to even think about Carol. There was only time to act and prevent the deaths of those that were there in the moment, those that needed him. When it was all said and done, then he could deal with Rick and what he had done without talking to the rest of the group.

After the attack, he had been separated from Rick and couldn’t talk to him about banishing Carol. For a while he had been with just Beth Greene but after they met up some of the other survivors from the prison – Maggie Greene, Sasha, Tyrese, Lizzie, Mika, Judith and Bob - he had decided that he needed to go after Carol. He needed to know her side of the story so he said his goodbyes and he began to look through the forests and woods. Everyone understood that Daryl needed to go after Carol. They all knew what both of them were too afraid to say. 

Even as an experienced tracker, he knew that his efforts to find Carol might be futile considering he didn’t know where Rick had left Carol and it had been at least a week since the governor’s attack. Even though he was almost certain that he wouldn’t be able to find her, he had to try. If he never tried, he’d never forgive himself. Back tracking to the prison, Daryl started his travels from there. He hadn’t bothered trying to find his bike, with all the walkers around he was certain that trying to get to his bike would only result in his own death. 

Rick had told him that the area he left Carol in was a half hour drive from the prison, so he figured that it have been at least an hour on foot if he was able to keep his pace up. While he was walking, he let his mind drift to think about what Rick had told him Carol confessed to doing – to killing Karen and David. When Rick had first told him, Daryl hadn’t wanted to believe it. Carol was his best friend – why would he want to believe that she had murdered two people and then burned their bodies? Daryl knew why she had done it, hell he had understood why. He just had a hard time believing that it was Carol who had really done it. The actions themselves didn’t seem like Carol – but the reasoning behind it screamed Carol Peletier. 

While Daryl was furious that he had banished her without so much as waiting to talk to someone else in the group – someone that was actually on the council that made decisions (which Rick had refused to be a member of) - he also understood why Rick had banished her. If he had brought Carol back and Tyrese had found out what Carol had done… Carol would most certainly be dead. Daryl didn’t buy that the reason he banished her was because he didn’t want her around his kids. Shed been raising Carl since the original Atlanta group and had been raising Judith. That baby probably didn’t know she had a Daddy with how much Carol and Beth did most of the raising. 

Daryl wondered about whether or not she had really done it. How could Carol have dragged both of those bodies out of the prison? She was strong, but dead bodies weighed a lot. Her wondered if Rick actually had any proof that she had done it and just jumped to a conclusion. But if she hadn’t done it, who would she be protecting? These thoughts - and worrying about not finding her or finding her dead - plagued him until he found the area that Rick said he and Carol had been in. The neighborhood seemed like a decent place to be living in. From outside it didn’t look like it was overrun by walkers but Daryl knew that just because it seemed safe didn’t mean it was. He stood at the beginning of the subdivision and stared down the road. He could start by going house to house but he was sure that would take too long. 

Daryl decided to start by doing a general sweep of the area. Maybe she was still in one of these houses. Loading up his cross brow, Daryl held it up while he walked over to the first house. He decided to go through the backyard, as it would allow him to have a better look into the house. He peered into the house and looked around. It was a mess inside the house but it didn’t look like anyone was living in it. Daryl stepped away from the window and continued on to the next backyard, climbing over the rotting wooden fence. He performed the same procedure to each house he came across and each one he came up empty of any clue that someone was living inside of the house. 

Feeling hopeless, Daryl left the backyard of the last house on he left and stopped when he noticed a silver car, one similar to the one that Rick said he left Carol with. He walked over to it, slowly and peered into it. “Shit.” He cursed when he looked into the window. He couldn't see Carol, but there was a lot of blood on the front car seat. Daryl looked up at the house and walked towards it, his crossbow still up on his shoulders. He checked the window before he opened the front door, noticing the trail of blood and following it to a back room. 

Daryl stopped at the door and took a hold of the doorknob. He didn't know what he was going to find when he opened the door and that... that scared him. He had said before that nothing scared him but one thing did scare him and it scared him a lot - the idea of losing Carol. Losing Carol scared him and it was something that he was not ready to deal with. Daryl swallowed and leaned his head against the door, letting out a long breath. "Carol? You in there?" He asked, his stomach churning with what he might hear. 

"Daryl?" He heard a weak, tired voice respond. Daryl sighed in a brief moment of relief that at least he had been able to find her. His moment of relief was interrupted by the reminder of the blood that he had followed to find her inside of this house and he turned the doorknob and tried to open the door in front of him but it was blocked by something. “Daryl, don't come in here.” He heard Carol's voice say again and he heard the desperation and sadness inside of her voice and deep down, Daryl knew exactly what he was going to find when he opened the door. He knew exactly what had happened. Carol had been bit and she was in there, bleeding out from the bite. Despite everything in him telling him to turn around right now and leave her, he couldn't. He couldn't leave Carol alone to die by herself. He knew Carol wouldn't leave him to die on his own and he wasn't going to let her die alone. Daryl took a step back and rammed the door with his shoulder, edging the door up just a bit. Another ram of the door and he was able to squeeze inside of the room.

The sight in front of him was worse than he ever could have imagined. Carol was leaning against the wall, holding her left arm as tightly as she could and there was blood leaking out of her arm and through her fingers. It took everything in him for Daryl to not break down crying right there, but he knew that Carol needed him to stay strong. Daryl walked over to her and knelt down, pulling her hand away from the wound. He coughed to cover up the fact that he was probably about to cry right now and ripped off a piece of fabric from a near by towel and wrapped it tightly around her arm.

“Daryl, you need to get out of here.” The woman cried softly, her head nodding off to the side. “Leave me here, please.” She begged. Daryl shook his head and grabbed the side of her face, turning her head so that she was looking at him with her eyes. Her eyes that once effervescent when Daryl needed to witness it the most were slowly becoming diaphanous. “Daryl..” Her voice broke as he stared at her with broken eyes. He shook his head and shushed her, pressing his lips to Carol's forehead.

“I ain't leavin you here.” Daryl said stubbornly and moved to sit with her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap, leaning against the wall. It had never been easier for him to pick her up and it made him sick that he was about to lose Carol. He was about to lose his best friend, the one woman he had been able to trust himself completely with... The woman he loved. He was about to lose her and it killed himself inside. It felt like he was losing another part of himself and he was furious. He was mad at everything. He was mad at Rick for banishing her out of the prison, he was mad at whatever the fuck caused these walkers to roam the earth and he was mad at Carol. She should have been able to protect herself. Daryl tightened his arms around her and he felt her head fall against his shoulder and he sat there in the silence of the room, listening to her breathe. After losing Merle, Daryl didn't think he would be afraid of losing anyone again. But the second he heard that Carol was gone, the only thing that scared him was losing her. It wasn't her dying then becoming a walker and biting him. It was just losing her that scared him. “What were you thinking, Carol? Killing Karen and David?” He asked. Even though she was tired and dying, he needed to know the answer. 

“I didn't..” Carol admitted to himself, letting out a long breath and staying quiet for so long that he thought she was dead. “I didn't kill them. I burned their bodies but... It wasn't me.” Daryl frowned, even though he had expected that Carol hadn't been the one to actually commit the murders. “She's so young, she didn't deserve to be be seen as a killer.” She whispered, her tongue leaving her mouth to lick her lips. Carol didn't need to say anything else, he knew who she was talking about. _Lizzie._ “You can't tell Rick.” The woman begged of him. 

“I don't know where Rick is.” Daryl responded, dragging his fingers through Carol's short gray hair. “ The Governor attacked the prison. We're all separated.” Carol lifted her head up as much as she could in concern. “I was with Beth for a little while, then we found some of the other survivors. After that I went and looked for you.” Daryl told her, licking his lips. 

“Who?” She asked, resting her head back on Daryl's shoulder, her forehead touching his neck. For the time being, Carol could pretend that she wasn't dying and that everything was going to be okay. Hearing Daryl talk, having Daryl here – it made her forget that she was living on borrowed time. 

“Lizzie was there. Mika, too. We had found them with Tyrese and Judith.” He heard a relieved sigh come from Carol when he told her that Judith was still alive. “Then we found Maggie, Sasha and Bob. I thought there was a good enough group.. I needed to find you.” Daryl told her, leaning his head back against the wall. “This wasn't how I imagined I'd find you.” He admitted, letting his voice crack. He had cried in front of Carol before, even though he hadn't meant to. After losing Merle, he had spent a lot of nights in his cell trying to keep his tears from spilling out. But Carol had always found him wiping his tears off and would just listen to him talk about everything. Listen to him talk about their childhood together and how Merle had tried to raise him, but Merle (even being older than Daryl) was still just a kid but Merle had _tried._ Daryl loved Merle, through all of his faults and the things that made people hate him, he loved his big brother and if anyone understood loving someone who didn't deserve it it was Carol. 

“I was getting ready to leave when the walker found me.” She said, swallowing thickly. “This house has a bed and the water even worked.. So I stayed here for a few days.” Carol told him. Daryl hated that she was alone through all this. That she almost died all alone. They stayed like this, silent and tangled together for a while. Daryl tried to keep his tears back because he didn't want Carol to see his tears. He could cry after she was dead. “I love you.” Carol said. She had been so quiet that Daryl almost thought she was dead. A smile formed on his face and he let out a soft sigh. He knew that she loved him and he knew that he loved her, but it was something that he had never said to woman – at least not since his mother. 

“I love you too.” Daryl told her, and it felt _so_ good to say to her, to say it out loud. He had wanted to say it for so long, and he felt it even longer than that. He turned his head and adjusted so that he could see her face and he pressed his lips to hers. Despite the fact that she was dying and her breath was ragged she returned the kiss. Even though she was dying, her kiss was dulcet and it made his mouth water. They kissed for as long as they could with her breathing so terrible and when she couldn't breathe any longer, she pulled away from him and smiled. “I've wanted to do that for so long.” Daryl told her, bringing his hand up to her face and cupping the side of her face.

“Do you remember when we first met?” Carol quested Daryl, tilting her head to the side. He opened his mouth to speak, but Carol cut him off. “I don't mean when you and Merle showed up in Atlanta.” The older woman said to Daryl, narrowing her eyes slightly and he understood exactly what she meant. He wasn't sure if she remembered that day, but he remembered the real first time they met like it was yesterday.

+++ Thirteen and a Half Years Before the Outbreak +++

Daryl entered the book store through the back door, holding his back pack strap firmly in his hand and walked down a small hallway with two cabinets on each side of the wall, turning to the right to duck into a bathroom. Having no where to live at age twenty three, Daryl often used the bathroom at the book store so that he could wash up. The bathrooms didn't have any stalls, so he could have the bathroom all to himself and not have to worry about someone coming in. Setting down his backpack, he removed his black t-shirt and blue jeans and set the down on his backpack. Daryl walked over to the sink and leaned over it, looking at himself. He was thinner than he had ever been in his life. Eating squirrels wasn't exactly the most filling meal, but he did what he had to do. He turned on the water and let it warm up before he splashed it on his face and ran his hands over his face. Yawning, Daryl cupped his hand under the faucet and dumped some of the water over his head. He duck his head the faucet as much as he could, squeezing his eyes shut. Daryl used the soap dispenser to wash his hair, as shampoo wasn't exactly high on his list of important things that would be worth going to jail over stealing. After rinsing the soap out of his hair, he lifted his head back up and shook the water out like his childhood dog would. The youngest Dixon washed down his body with a paper towel covered in soap before changing into his one other outfit, wiping down his black shirt and jeans.

Once his makeshift shower was over, Daryl left the bathroom of the bookstore and went to find the corner in the religion section that he had taken to hiding out in. He sat down in the corner against the wall and dug behind a line of the Holy Bibles to find the small stash of books he had. Daryl was more than willing to steal food to survive, but for some reason he never felt comfortable stealing books. He would never have told his father or his older brother this but Daryl loved to read. Considering he had been forced to drop out of school at a young age, reading books were the only way that he got any education. He picked up the one book that he'd been reading, Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell, only to find it on top of several other books. Inside the book he'd been reading was a note that'd been waiting for him. Daryl pulled the note out of the book and read it.

_While cleaning up the books I had dropped, I came across your stash of 1984. I don't know why you just have it stashed behind here, but I thought you'd like to read these books too if you enjoyed 1984. Happy reading, Carol._

A rare smile formed on Daryl's face as he read the note and he flipped through the other books, including _Animal Farm, A Clergyman's Daughter_ and _Coming Up For Air._ He chuckled to himself and set the books back behind the Bibles as he continued to read his novel. The last time he was here, he had been incredibly close to finishing the book but he had been forced to leave by the shops owner due to closing. It was fairly early in the day, so Daryl was more than convinced that he would be able to finish this book and start one of the ones that the mysterious Carol had left for him. He pulled out a bag of potato chips he had stolen from a gas station and opened the bag, eating with one hand while he used the other to hold his book up. When he had finished 1984, he picked up _A Clergyman's Daughter_ and began to read that one. It was a short book at 394 pages, which he was able to get through at a decent pace. Digging around in his bag, he found an old pen and after testing it out on his palm, he wrote a quick reply to Carol his chicken scratch.

_Thanks for the (strike)reccomennd(strike) (strike)recomend(strike) suggestions. I can't afford the books meself but I want to keep reading them so I hide them so no one can find them... Guess I didn't do a good job. Daryl_

_Oh I liked the first book. The (strike)Clergly(strike) Clergyman's Daughter. Not as much as 1984, but I liked it._

Daryl left the note for the girl who had written to him before in _The Clergyman's Daughter_ and hoped that she would check the section again. 

–

The next time Daryl came into the bookstore was a few days later, where he performed the same ritual he had been for the past few months. He cleaned himself up in the bathroom before he went back to his safe corner in the religion section of the shop. He was never concerned about it being moved or put back in its place because the owner knew that he would come in and read. She had allowed him to do it, solely because she took pity on him. The owner was a sixty four year old woman who ten years before when Daryl was still in school had been his teacher. If this was how Daryl continued to learn, who was she to stop him? Daryl curled up in the corner of the bookstore and pulled the small pile of books out. Inside _The Clergyman's Daughter_ were two separate notes, both from the same girl named Carol who had written him before. Daryl picked up the first note, reading what she had written under his chicken scratch 

_Books are my only escape too. The shop owner is nice enough to let me borrow books as long as I bring the books back soon. I hope someday you can afford to own these books, especially 1984. I can tell by the binding how many times you've read it. Carol._

Setting aside the first note, Daryl picked up the second note and grasped the edge of the white paper.  _I know its silly, but I keep hoping you’ll reply soon. No one I get to be around reads or has anything intelligent to say._

Daryl couldn’t help but smile at this note. He didn’t know why she thought he’d have anything intelligent to say, his note had several misspelled words. Finding his pen in his bag, he placed the book on his thigh and scribbled a message onto the note.

 _I ain’t got a lot of intelligent things to say._ Daryl initially wrote, then added underneath. _Not good with words at all, really. I was taught that being silent was good._ Daryl didn’t want to add too much to his note, hell he didn’t even know why he told her that much. It was literally the second time he had written to her. Daryl stuck the note into _A Clergyman’s Daughter_ and opened up _Animal Farm._

\- - - 

In the next few weeks, Daryl began to spend more and more time at the bookstore. Before Daryl would come to the bookstore twice at the most. After ‘meeting’ Carol, Daryl would be at the bookstore up to three times a week. Sometimes when hed get there there would be a new note waiting for him. Those were the good days. And other days he’d come to the bookstore and there wouldn’t be a new note. Those days weren’t so good. When they first started talking, it was just about the books he was reading and the one that she was reading. Then they started talking about other books that they read. He told her about his favorite book, Of Mice and Men, and she told him about her favorite book, The Outsiders. He promised that he’d check it out, but he wasn’t able to find it (though he knew if he asked her, she’d find it for him but he was a Dixon and Dixons didn’t ask for help. At least that’s what his Dad and Merle had told him all of his life). Then they talked about music and movies. 

When they ran out of those types of things to talk about, they got into more personal subjects. Daryl told her about the childhood abuse he faced at the hands of his father, about losing his mother at a young age and about his brother, Merle. He told her about being homeless and even in one letter, he told her that these letters really helped deal with it (but then he decided to go against saying something so sappy and scribbled it out so hard that it left an indent into the books he was using as a table). 

In Carol's notes, she told him about growing up as an ugly duckling and settling down for the first man she met, Ed. She told him about how it was all good for a few weeks into their marriage until one day she dinner have dinner on table once he got home and he beat her to the point where she had to give herself stitches. She told him about how the abuse only got worse after that and it made Daryl's stomach burn in anger. Since his childhood, he hated hearing about any woman or child being abused. Daryl was unnerved about how there was nothing between them left untouched. He had never opened himself up this way to another person before. It was new and terrifying and uncomfortable and... nice. It was nice. He'd never felt okay with opening up to someone. The kids at school were mean to him and there was no way he could talk about things like _feelings_ with his brother. Daryl loved having that bit of normality to his life, something that he never had. He never felt _safe_ with someone, but he felt safe with Carol – with her letters.

\- - - 

Daryl walked into the bookstore for the second time in the week, hopeful to find another note from Carol. He was embarrassed to admit this, but he was dependent on these letters from some strange girl he had never met to get through the weeks. At first the books were his only escape from being homeless, but now Carol was his escape from everything. Even if he never met her and the letters stopped today, at least he'd have the old ones to look through. Daryl stopped in the bathroom to freshen up before heading back to his section of the book store. He knelt down and reached his hand back behind the Bibles, his heart stopping and stomach dropping when he felt the cold metal of the shelves. “No..” He whispered when he didn't feel the books. “No, where are they?” Daryl said aloud and ran his fingers along the shelf. 

“Are you Daryl?” He heard a delicate and demure voice from behind him ask. Daryl turned his head to the side before scrambling to his knees. He didn't look the girl in the eyes, as he figured she was just some girl and was ashamed of the fact that he was hiding books behind Bibles of all places. It certainly didn't dawn on him that the girl in front of him could be Carol leaving him a note. 

“Y..Yeah.” Daryl mumbled, scratching behind his head. “Yeah, I'm Daryl.” He said, looking down at his feet. He heard footsteps coming towards him and he turned his head to look up at the girl. Instead of a girl, he was staring at a woman. She wasn't much shorter than he was, but she was just as thin. Her hair was light blonde and it was cut short and it reminded him of his haircut a few years ago. Across her face was a dark blue bruise and her bottom lip as cut, and it made Daryl's stomach burn with anger. He had witnessed years of beatings that his mother had to deal with at the hands of his father and since then, every time he saw a woman with bruises he wanted to find whoever caused the bruises and beat the living hell out of them. Daryl turned to look away from her again, not wanting to stare at her bruise for too long.

“I.. I'm Carol.” The voice said just as Daryl's eyes fell on her hands that had the stack of books and letters between them. His eyes snapped up to look at the battered woman again and he was unsure of what to say to her. He had never imagined actually meeting Carol, especially like this. “I... I know it's weird that I was just sitting here waiting for someone to go for the books but...” The woman sighed and held her out to hand him back the books. “I've had a really bad week and just needed something to look forward to.” The sight of her being in front him caused two very different reactions in Daryl Dixon. One was to abscond and get the fuck out of the room and the other – the reaction he choose to go with – was to stay. He'd been thinking about meeting her for so long that he didn't want to ruin it by doing something stupid like running away from her. After a few more moments of Daryl not saying a word, Carol sighed and knelt down to set the books on the floor. “I guess I'll be leaving, then.” Her voice was dripping with disappointment and sadness. Daryl scrambled in his mind for the words he wanted to use, as speaking out loud was something he never really did.

“No!” He protested slightly louder than he meant to. Carol jumped back as he exclaimed and she stared at him with wide, terrified eyes for a second before she relaxed in his presence. Daryl shuffled and leaned down to pick up the books. “You took me by surprise.” He grunted in response, holding the pile of books in his hand tightly. “I ain't very good with my mouth.” Carol turned back to face Daryl and pursed her lips for a second. She stepped back towards him and her lips twitched in a smile as Daryl looked back up up at her.

“That's alright. We don't have to talk. I just needed... to put a person to the words.” Carol said softly and moved to sit on the floor across from where the books were normally stashed. Daryl stared at her for a few moments before he moved to sit down in the corner he would normally sit in. No words were said between the two of them, because they didn't need to be said. Daryl couldn't take his eyes off of the woman across from him and it amazed him how comfortable he felt in her presence. Being comfortable in her letters were different from being comfortable in her presence. He tilted his head when he saw her reach into her bag and pull out a thin book, writing something on a piece of paper before she put the piece of paper into the book and slid it over to Daryl. He stared at her for a few more seconds before he reached down and picked up the book she had slid over to him. It was a worn out, mostly faded copy of _The Outsiders,_ the name of the book he remembered she told him were his favorites. He licked his lips and opened the book, looking down at the piece of paper.

_What are you thinking about? (God I hate asking that question and being asked but you look like you have something on your mind)_

_ps. I told you we didn't have to talk._

A small smile formed on Daryl's face as he read the note and he fished around in his backpack for his half used pen. He set _The Outsiders_ on top of the books by George Orwell on top of his thighs and began to write out a message to Carol.

 _Nothing important._ Daryl scribbled on the piece of paper, though that was a sack of shit. He was thinking about _her_ and being in front of her and near her and seeing that black eye and knowing exactly how it happened. A million thoughts ran through his head but he had no idea how to put any of the thoughts and emotions into words. He set the note back into the book and pushed it back over to her, tapping the pen on his knee as he watched her pick up the book and read the note. She scoffed slightly and gave him a look of 'Come on, how dumb do you think I am?', causing a light laugh to leave Daryl's lips. A few seconds later and Daryl had another note between his fingers.

 _Now we both know that's bullshit, but if you don't want to tell me you don't have to._ Daryl chuckled at the note and glanced up at Carol, who had her head tilted off to the side. She looked exhausted from her life and Daryl wanted to take her away from all that, as stupid as it sounded. No woman deserved to be treated the way that her husband was treating her – and the way his Daddy treated his Ma. Daryl picked up his pen and wrote underneath her response to her calling him out on his lie. 

_You._ Was all he wrote on the piece of paper. Daryl didn't think anything else needed to be written down, the one word spoke for itself. He slid it back to Carol and pulled a bag of chips out of his bag while he waited for her to read the note. She tilted her head to the side and looked up at him before actually speaking. 

“You're thinking about me?” Carol questioned, frowning at Daryl. She had told him that they didn't have to talk but when she read that he was thinking about her, she couldn't help but speak out loud. Daryl shrugged and grunted in response to his question. She pursed her lips and repeated the question on the piece of paper and slid it over to him. Daryl picked up the piece of paper and stared at the note, sighing before speaking out loud to her.

“How long do you have before you have to be home?” He asked her, staring at her face. Daryl didn't want to get her in trouble with her husband, but he wanted to spend time with her. He couldn't explain it, but today he had to just be with her. 

“I have until 7. Ed gets home at nine, but I need time to clean and make dinner.” Carol said aloud, wondering why Daryl had asked such a question. She looked up at him as the man across from her stood to his feet and took two steps over to her to hold his hand out to Carol. She stared at his hand, which was much larger than hers and around the same size as Ed's, but she knew this hand would never cause her any pain. She trusted him and she had known him for only a fraction of the time that she'd known her husband. Carol lifted her hand up and took Daryl's hand, refusing to acknowledge the small spark she felt at their skin connecting. He pulled her up and looked down at her with a slight sheepish smile and he let Carol grab her bag before he hid the books again and picked up his backpack. They left the bookshop the same way that Daryl normally entered the shop, Carol turning to look at Daryl once they were on the back streets. 

“Where are you taking me?” Carol asked, only the slightest hint of trepidation in her voice. While she did trust Daryl, she still needed to keep him at an arms length. Daryl turned to look at Carol and he sensed her hesitation in going anywhere with him. He pursed his lips before he spoke and he shrugged. 

“Somewhere more comfortable and safe.” Daryl said, not wanting to add that it was somewhere no where would see them. He knew how absolutely creepy that sounded, so he didn't want to say it to the woman and have her freak out. Before crossing the street, Daryl looked back at her and added. “Home.” 

\- - -

It was a half hour of the pair silently walking from the bookstore back to the nearby forest. Carol had hesitated when she realized that was where they were going and Daryl knew exactly why. Daryl knew that Ed had told her that he was going bury her alive in the woods and forget her there, but Daryl reached back and squeezed her hand slightly as if to reassure her of something. It wasn't like Daryl was forcing her to go with him. She could turn around at any moment and walk away from him, and Daryl would most certainly let her walk away from him at this moment. He wouldn't like it, but he would. She stayed with him, though, until they made their way fairly deep into the woods. Carol had stayed quiet as she followed him from behind and it was something that Daryl wondered if she was always this reserved or it was something that she learned from the years of being married to a bastard. 

“Is this home?” Carol spoke aloud for the first time in a long time when they came upon a makeshift shelter. Daryl glanced back at her and insecurely nodded before ducking inside of it, nervously waiting to see if Carol was going to run away from him or follow him into one of the only places he actually felt safe. Carol looked around for a second at how completely peaceful and beautiful it was out in these woods before kneeling down and ducking into Daryl's shelter. 

“I almost thought you were going to leave.” Daryl said, clearing his throat slightly. Carol raised an eyebrow and looked over at him for a brief second, crossing her long legs out as she set next to Daryl. They both fell silent again, as if they were just enjoying the fact they were both with someone that wasn't going to snap and begin hitting them for no reason. It feels like an hour before Carol speaks.

“You were thinking about me?” She asks him again, turning to look at the man she'd been writing for weeks. Daryl looked over at her and swallowed thickly before he spoke.

“I always think about you.” Daryl told her honestly, no matter how much of a bitch he felt for saying it out loud like that. A soft pink blush formed on her face and its such a beautiful contrast to the bruise and cut on her face. Daryl really wants to reach out and just fucking touch her, but he doesn't want to scare her away from him. Carol looked down at her hands all tangled together and then looks over at Daryl.

“I think about you a lot, too. And your letters. Sometimes they're the only things that get me through the days.” She said honestly, sighing softly and licking her lips. It took everything in Daryl to not blurt out 'Stay with me, Ed can't hurt you out here' but saying that would be fucking crazy. This was the first time they were really meeting and telling her to live with him in his goddamn shelter that barely protected him from the night was a fucking ridiculous idea. “Sometimes I think Ed knows.” She added after a moments silence, causing Daryl's neck to crack when he turns to look at her. 

“What?” He asked, his brow furrowing as he looked at her. Daryl didn't understand Carol's motives right now. If she thought her husband knew about whatever she was doing, why was she here right now? Was she trying to get herself killed? “Then why are you here with me right now?” He questioned her. Carol shrugged and laughed softly to herself.

“I at least want to experience something like joy at least once before he kills me.” She said and her voice was so broken, so tired that Daryl couldn't be mad at her for saying something like that, for taking a risk like this when it could cost her everything. Daryl stayed silent for a second and he licked his lips before he spoke. “I'm sorry to put you in this situation...” The blonde spoke and it brought Daryl out of his thoughts. He turned to look at her and shrugged. 

“I coulda stopped writing to you when you told me you were married. I'm a grown man, Carol.” He said to her, scoffing slightly. Carol bit down on her bottom lip, her teeth grazing over the scab. “Are you okay?” Daryl turned his body to face hers, frowning at her. 

“I'm fine, Daryl.” Carol said softly, thinking about the differences between Ed and Daryl saying her name. When Ed said her name, it was typically in anger and it scared the shit out of her. But when Daryl said her name – even when he sounded annoyed – it was more gentle and it caused shivers to run down her back. She liked the way her name sounded from his lips instead of her husbands. “Have you finished _Coming Up For Air?_ ” She asked, wanting to turn the conversation towards books. 

“Yeah, I liked it. I didn't like it as much as I liked _Nineteen Eighty-Four_. I think that was his best work.” Daryl shrugged. It was weird for him to say these things out loud to someone and not feel like they were going to judge him for liking to read. He couldn't imagine what his father would do if he saw him reading books all the time. “Did you finish _The Great Gatbsy_?” Daryl asked Carol, knowing that in one of their most recent letters she mentioned that she was reading that right now. 

“No, not yet. I'm close, but Ed doesn't like it when I read.” Carol said. Daryl scoffed at the idea of her husband not liking that his wife was just trying to be educated. The older woman chuckled softly to herself at his scoffing in response to her statement. She sighed softly and opened her mouth to tell Daryl that she didn't want to go back home to Ed and his abuse, but she knew how Daryl felt about talking. He had mentioned several times before in his letters that words weren't his strong point. Carol shut her mouth and looked over at Daryl to see him staring at her. He averted her gaze when she looked at him and she smiled softly. “I have copies of your letters hidden in the kitchen where Ed can't find them. Sometimes I reread them when everything is getting to be too much. They get me through... everything.” She said. Carol watched as a blush formed on Daryl's face and he turned away from her. He turned to look at her after a few moments before he spoke. 

“I like rereading them too. Distracts me from... being homeless and hungry all the time.” Carol frowned at his comment and sighed softly, moving to lie her head on his shoulder without thinking. 

“We're safe right now, though.” She said softly, resting one hand on his wrist. Daryl turned to look at her and looked down at her hand on his wrist before moving her hand to nervously take her hand and lace his fingers through his. He had never held hands with someone before but he found that he actually liked holding her hand. Maybe it was just her and the connection the two of them already shared, but he liked how it felt to hold her hand.

“Safe?” Daryl questioned Carol, a light smile forming on his face. He had never heard someone say the word safe when sitting in a makeshift shelter in the middle of the woods. “Do you feel safe right here with me?” He asked, curious about her answer. She looked up at him and tilted her head to the side, a smile forming on her face. She noticed his eyes ghosting to look at her lips and she dragged her tongue over her bottom lip before speaking.

“I do. I feel very safe.” Carol said softly, gently squeezing the hand that she held. She hadn't felt this safe with anyone in a long time. Apprehensively, Carol attempted to do something that she had never done before in her years of dating. She leaned forward and let her lips hover over his, noticing how uncomfortable he seemed. “Do you feel safe with me?” Carol asked, her lips still just a few inches away from his. Daryl nodded slowly but stayed completely silent still. Carol leaned a little bit close and softly pressed her lips to Daryl's. It took a few moment for Daryl to return her kiss and he wrapped an arm around her, gently pulling her close to him. Carol pulled away from him for just a moment before pressing her lips to his again. She had never been this forward with a guy before, and she liked it – a lot. 

Daryl wrapped his arm around her small waist and pulled her close so he could lie her down on what was his mattress. He leaned on his side and looked down at her, opening his mouth to ask her if what he was doing was okay. She leaned up and pressed her lips to his again, wrapping both of her small hands around the back of his neck. Daryl pressed his lips into hers and rested one hand on the side of her so he could hold himself up over her. Carol dragged her tongue against his bottom lip and bit down on his bottom lip. A soft moan escaped from her lips and it caused Daryl to feel his cock twitch in his pants, which he prayed to God that Carol couldn't feel. They continued to kiss for a few moments before she pulled away and dragged her fingers across his shoulders. 

“Are you okay?” Daryl asked the blonde, frowning. Carol smiled softly and nodded, tracing the back of his neck with her slim fingers. 

“I just wanted to look at you again.” Carol said softly and leaned up to press her lips into his again. Daryl chuckled softly against Carol's lips and returned her kiss, tracing her hip over shirt with his thumb. He had never experienced much with a woman, but from the movies (mostly pornos) and from television, he had a basic of idea of what he was supposed to do when he was with a woman. “Daryl?” She asked when they pulled away for breath. 

Daryl grunted when she said his name and looked down at the older woman that lied underneath him, his eyes hooded from being more fucking aroused than he ever was. “Have you ever been with a woman before?” She asked out of genuine curiosity. They'd never even talked about sex like this and obviously they'd never done it together before. As a married woman, Carol had always been told it was her obligation to have sex with her husband despite the fact that she rarely wanted to. 

“Once my brother took me to a whorehouse.” He said, leaving it at nothing but that. The blonde raised an eyebrow at his statement, but clearly that was all he had to say about it and she wasn't going to press the matter. She figured if he actually had something to tell her – like if he had an STD – that he would bring it up. “Ain't been with a real lady before.” Daryl added. She smiled at him and licked her lips. Carol could still taste the potato chips he'd eaten earlier and something else that she couldn't pin point on her lips. 

“You think I'm a real lady?” Carol asks Daryl, tilting her head to the side. Her hands still rest on the back of his neck, playing with his hair. Daryl couldn't explain it, but he really liked how it felt when she played with his hair. He wasn't stupid. He knew this was going to be a one time thing and there was a chance he'd never see or hear from Carol again. But at least he'd have one night with her right? 

Daryl's lips twitched upwards slightly and he nodded. “Yeah, you a real lady.” He said before leaning down softly press his lips into hers. Daryl had wanted to tell her that he loved her – because he did. He had never felt anything like this before but he knew what it was. It was _love_. But he wasn't going to say this. Carol's fingers ran down his neck and over his arms before they bunched into the hem of his shirt. Daryl stilled for a moment but then allowed her to remove his shirt. Carol's fingers ran over his broad back, stilling for a moment when she came across the scars from his childhood. She didn't say a word about them, just traced kisses down his jaw line and over his shoulder. Daryl buried his head into the crook of Carol's shoulder, breathing heavily against her shoulder as her mouth kissed over his chest. Her hands continued to roam his body, taking her time with Daryl. 

Sex with her husband was never enjoyable. It was always when he wanted it, not when he wanted it and it happened whether or not she wanted it. It was always rough and quick, with no cuddling after wards. Carol dreaded sex with her husband, but she was already soaked with anticipation of being Daryl. Her hands ran down his chest and over his stomach, quickly undoing his belt and his jeans. She attempted to push his jeans down over his hips, but her arms only reached so far. Daryl held himself up over her with one arm and used the other to help her get his jeans down far enough that he could kick them off. Carol caught his lips again as she moved her hands to undo her own jeans, raising her hips up to be able to push them down so they could be discarded with his shirt and jeans. Daryl didn't wear boxers anymore, considering he didn't have any money to keep buying them. So he just stopped and dealt with how it felt not wearing underwear and wearing jeans. Carol gasped into his mouth when she felt his erection against her thigh and it only made her ache more for him. Daryl kissed down her shoulder gently nudged her legs apart so he could use his legs to support himself. Carol started to pull her shirt off and Daryl kissed over the exposed flesh of her chest, his lips ghosting over several bruises, both faded and new. He tried to be as gentle as he could with her, a lady like Carol deserved to be treated like the fuckin' queen she was and if her worthless husband wouldn't do it, Daryl would do it. Even if it was just for the time being. Daryl's fingers hooked into Carol's underwear and he pulled them over her thin legs, pressing kisses along her calf and thigh before she tugged him back up to her mouth by his hair. 

He grunted at the feel of having his hair pulled by Carol and he pressed his lips into hers hungrily. He couldn't be bothered with anything else but getting inside Carol. He didn't think of condoms and she never brought it up. With a slightly awkward thrust, Daryl's cock was buried deep inside of Carol and she broken their kiss to let out a soft slightly pained whimper, turning her head to the side. Daryl stilled completely, unsure if he should continue or just pull out now. He waited for some kind of sign of Carol, burying his head against her shoulder again. He pressed soft kisses into her shoulder for minutes before she pushed her hips into his, which he took as a surefire sign that she was ready for him. Daryl lifted himself up a bit more so that he could watch her reaction as he thrusted into her repeatedly, slowly at first. He didn't want this to be over as quickly as he knew it would be. Carol lifted one leg and wrapped it around Daryl's waist nervously, her action causing him to thrust into her at a completely new and arousing angle. Carol lifted herself up onto her elbows so she could kiss Daryl again, both of her thin hands wrapping around his forearms.

It was over before either of them could realize it was ending and could do anything to stop, but neither of them wanted to just stop it. Daryl growled after he pulled out of Carol and he rolled off onto his side so that he wasn't on top of her. One of his arms stayed around her shoulder and Carol turned, rolling up to tuck herself at his side. He wrapped his other arm around her shoulders, his hands connecting against on the small of her back. He pressed his lips briefly to her forehead, staying completely silent until the both of them fell asleep.

\- - - 

That was the last time he saw or spoke to Carol, as he figured. He never knew what happened to her, even as he picked his life back up and got a job and a place to live. Daryl never forgot about Carol, even as he had a stream of one night stands and brief girlfriends. She was always on his mind, even though he never saw her again until thirteen years later. She was the first thing he saw when he and Merle arrived at the Atlanta camp and he wanted to say something – fuck he wanted to say anything to her until he saw someone come up behind her and grab her arm and pull her away from the new men that showed up. He couldn't believe that she had stayed with him all these years, especially when he saw a little sandy haired girl with wide eyes just like her Mama.

\+ + + Present Day + + +

“Yeah, I remember.” Daryl said softly, squeezing her unbitten arm softly. He looked down at her and she was smiling softly, as if she was thinking about the first time they had made love. “I knew who you were right away. How couldn't I with those damn eyes?” He asked, weakly laughing. “I remember how angry I was when I saw that bastard take a hold of you. I wanted to bash his head in the moment I saw him.” Daryl doesn't dare bring up Sophia, as he knows its still hard for Carol to talk about. She's in her last moments and all Daryl wants to do is make them as lovely as he can possibly make them. He leans down and presses another kiss against her lips, a kiss that shes unable to reciprocate but Daryl doesn't really care. If he's never going to get to feel her lips on his again, then he wants this to be able to last as long as he can make it last. “I hated you for a long time seeing you were still with him.” Daryl admitted.

“I hated me too. I hated myself for staying with him all these years. For making... For making Sophia live with him.” It's the first time she's said her daughters name in a while and he can hear the sob in her voice as she speaks. “I hated you for a long time too. Especially when you told me she wasn't your daughter. How couldn't you know she was yours?” It's Daryl's turn to choke a sob, as he had always suspected that the little girl was his own daughter, which made him hate himself even more that he couldn't have saved her. 

“I'm sorry I couldn't save our little girl.” Daryl spoke, his voice cracking with every word he spoke. “I'm sorry I couldn't save you.” Carol chokes on a mixture of tears and her own blood, her fingers weakly clutching Daryl's shirt. He knows she only has minutes left, but he doesn't want to lose her. He's lost everyone he has ever loved and he doesn't know if he can really handle losing Carol. She was the last good thing in his life, the last thing that made whatever the fuck this life was worth living. 

“Don't... be... sorry...” Carol's breath is hitched between each word and he can't believe that her last words are spent comforting him. “Forgive Rick, too.” She tells him and its more of an order than a request and even though deep down Daryl will never be able to forgive Rick for this, he'll do it for Carol. He'll do anything for her and he makes sure she knows it. A slight smile forms on her face when he tells her he'll do anything for her and he holds her close to his body, watching and openly begging her not to leave him. “Just so you know...” She starts to mumble, and Daryl knows this is it. “I loved you first.” 

He hears the last breath escape her body and he feels the long exhale he had come to recognize with the loss of the life. Carol was dead and there had been nothing Daryl could do about it. A sob escaped his throat and he cradled her thin lifeless body to his own, slightly rocking her in his arms. This couldn't be real, this had to be a terrible nightmare that Daryl was about to wake up from. He'd wake up in a pool of sweat on his prison cot, leave his cell and find Carol in her cell just to make sure that she was okay. Daryl squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered as the sobs rocked his body. Despite his wishful thinking, he knew that the reality of it was that Carol was lying in his arms, dead, and it was only a matter of time before she would come back as one of those monsters and try to kill him. Daryl knew it was going to happen and that he should do what was needed of him before it happened, but he couldn't. He just couldn't bring himself to do it, not yet. 

“I'm sorry, Carol.” Daryl choked out after ten minutes and pulled his head up to look down at her face. He grasped the side of her face and dragged his thumb along her cheek, leaning down and pressing his lips to her cold, clammy forehead. He knew that it was time, that if he didn't do it now, he would surely be dead and he also knew that that wasn't what Carol would want him to do. “I'm so fucking sorry.” Daryl cried, unashamed of the tears that were streaming down his face. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the one pistol that he carried with him just in case and cocked it, pressing it to her temple. “I'm so sorry.” He mumbled before pulling the trigger.


End file.
